I've not vanished completely, since I have been working on my Cruise vlog, which you can find day 1 of the trip here.
Today is my birthday. I am 27 years old today.
And it has reminded me just how weird birthdays are.
Like, when you're a child birthdays are super exciting.
Goodness, I remember not being able to sleep before some birthdays because I was so excited.
But now that I'm older, a birthday is just another day.
Last year, it was a little different.
Last year, I was preparing for going to Belize. For leaving the country for the first time.
I have come to the realization though that birthdays are great times for reflection. Especially when your birthday is close to the middle of the year. Everyone seems to do such self reflection at the change of the year, but birthdays can be remarkable for that.
I've done so much since my last birthday.
This time last year, I was still a bookseller. I was still overpowered by so many different anxieties that I couldn't control. I was uncertain by so many different things, from where I was at to who I was and basically everything in between.
In just a short 365 days, I have not just been to one other country, but instead six (with a seventh already planned for next month). I've been to different cities as well, most recently Las Vegas for a wedding.
Although I know I am not where I want to be, I am much closer. I write so much more consistently.
Despite being the same weight I was, I am much more confident in my skin. I am stronger, both physically and emotionally.
Yes, I still have my moments of absolute doubt that I should continue pursuing writing. Yes, I still get overwhelmed by some anxieties. But neither of those control my life like they used to.
I'm not afraid to try new things on my own. I'm not afraid of everything and everyone passing me by. I'm not afraid of being a temporary in people's lives, just their for convenience.
It's weird. When I chopped off my hair back in October, it felt as though it was a physical representation of the growth I've been going through. It felt as though I chopped away the source of so many of my fears and insecurities. My hair had been a security blanket, yet I'm a better person than I was since I've cut it.
I'm living.
I'm actually living life.
Every second of every day isn't just slipping passed any more. I'm having experiences. I'm creating memories.
I'm making new friends. And even though I don't know if these are going to be lifelong friends or just ones for now, I know they are making an impact on my life and I'm impacting theirs.
Stories are interwoven with the old and the new. Stories have aspects that last and aspects that are only important for a page or two. But old, new, permanent, and temporary all turn the story into something unique, something beautiful.
And although my story is still being written, it is moving in a direction I choose. And I can't wait to see where I am on my 28th birthday.
27 is going to be a good year.
No.
27 is going to be THE year. It is going to be great.
