Numbers Don't Matter

When I started this blog three and a half years ago, I was lost. I was in a gaping hole grasping the side with everything I had in me.

Since then, I've done everything I could to pull myself up and out of the hole. I've fought tooth, nail, and toes with adversaries that only I could truly see.

I'm in a much different spot in my life than I was then, despite the fact that I'm sitting very close to where I was when I decided to start this blog.

At that point, I had lost who I was. I didn't know anything anymore.

I was stuck in the dark, without a flashlight or any way to make a fire. There were no Stars, nothing.

That was the point I realized, even if I wasn't sure who I was, I wasn't who I wanted to be.

I was making no progress on my writing overweight, completely overwhelmed with the amount of debt I was in, and stuck. It felt like I wasn't going anywhere.

Numbers were what I held on to. How much I weighed, how many words I had written, how many calories I took in, how many cities I had been to (since I'd barely left Texas).

Over the past few years, I've come more to terms with different things.

Although writing consistently is important, the number of words I write each week aren't as big of a deal.

I've stopped tracking the exact number of calories I eat and more try to aim for healthier options.

My weight, I do care about but more in a "does this feel comfortable" sort of way rather than an I need to lose it.

Numbers aren't as big of a deal as I used to think of them.

How I feel is.

And finally, for the first time in a very long time, I can say I'm happy.

Like really happy.

The funk I'd been having really caused me to look doubly hard at myself.

Yes, I'm single and nearing my late twenties.

Yes, I still don't have a published book out.

No, I'm not this super tough, strong woman.

But I am the strongest I've ever been.

I am in the best shape I've ever been in.

I'm confident in who I am (even if I'm still trying to figure it who exactly that is).

My writing style is improving with each day that goes by.

My loans are no longer so unbearably high (so close to being done with them I can practically taste it).

I'm having fun. I'm traveling. I'm meeting new people and making new friends.

I've finally moved up somewhat at my job. Although the new responsibilities still throw me off sometimes, it's nice.

I'm making plans to continue traveling. To do things I never actually thought I'd do (climbing the Alps,a going to Africa, and skydiving, I'm looking at you).

I'm happy.

And for the first time in my life that I can remember, that happiness has nothing to do with a number. It has to do with me.

I'm growing every day. And learning every day.

The weird feeling I've recently had actually pushed me to this realization and I'm grateful for it.

A few firsts that I never thought would happen have over the past year.

I've been to Miami and New Orleans.

I left the country.

I freaking saw the sunrise in Belize.

I started the plans for jumping out of a plane.

This growth that I've experienced of late is so important to me.

Although I'm not exactly the dynamic character I would like to be, I'm no longer a static, reactionary character in my own story.

So even though I feel like most of my posts this year (at least recently) have been rather negative, I'm on my way to who I want to be.

And that's because I've realized after a long and hard few years:

Numbers don't matter.

That was probably one of the biggest mental hurdles I've had to overcome in this Journey to a Better Shelby.

In your life, what is your biggest hurdle to becoming who you want to be (especially if you're on a journey like this)? How are you reaching to overcome it? Tell me in the comments!

Until Next Time,
Shelby