At a Crossroads

 The world is an ever-shifting enigma of a place. Always changing, always shifting, always different. Few things are constant. Change is one of those constants.

Making important choices that have the potential to change your life are another. 

Crossroads.

Everyone comes across them and they are the one place you actually have to make a choice, make a decision. And it is terrifying to find yourself at one at not really know which path is the better option. 

Crossroads have been on my mind a lot because in a way, the whole world has been stuck at one the past year or so. With that, I've rapidly approached another. One I didn't think would ever actually get here. 

But we will get to that later. 

After thinking about it, I've realized I have been at a crossroad a couple of times in my life. They are all ones that I can tell would cause my life to have been completely different.

Crossroad #1

Staying Band: It was not something I particularly wanted to do. My siblings were all in band at least for a bit and although I much preferred the idea of joining choir, it was brought to my attention that if I didn't go into band then I wouldn't be able to do all the cool stuff my brothers were doing. (If I had thought it through, I would have realized that choir kids also did cool things.) 

I joined band, didn't get the instrument I wanted, wasn't allowed to switch to said instrument after a few years, and was never anywhere near as good on the clarinet as the boys were on their instruments. Granted, they also practiced more than I did. 

In high school, I nearly quit after getting the required credits from a fine art and PE, but decided I wouldn't do anything else with my life and most of my friends by that point were in band so why not stick it out. My junior year, I nearly quit again, but that was mainly because the head director told me I would never make wind ensemble if I was always late to class, when I was never late for the class to start playing. I would just put my clarinet together and then go to the bathroom. I was never in the last 10 people in their seats and the ones that were always sitting down after we had started warming up did make wind ensemble-- but that's a tale for another time. After the director told me that, I stopped caring about how well I did individually. If it hadn't been my appreciation for Mr. Beltram the symphonic band director, I would have quit right then and there. But I'm also an emotional person who sometimes does rash things when I'm already on the verge of not caring about consequences.

I stayed in band through college, mainly because I'm painfully shy in new situations and I knew band kids. I joined Tau Beta Sigma in hopes that it would help me break out of my shell. It worked. 

Although I haven't picked up my clarinet in years unless it was to move it, I know all those years staying in it and being committed to music shaped who I am today.

Crossroads #2&#3

These two go together pretty firmly and they were touched upon in the last one. College and Tau BEta Sigma. 

I am a firm believer that my gut knows what's best for me. So, when I was looking at colleges and went to TCU's website, when my gut was like "this is where you belong," I didn't question it. Everyone else did when I refused to even apply for another college. Even when I started looking at the cost it would take me to get there, I didn't hesitate. Being so deadset on TCU as my college was the first time I had ever been so stubborn about something. And I only regret it slightly and that's because I changed my major from something that could have been lucrative to writing. 

Although... I did learn a lot with my writing degree, and my minor (history) and the emphasis in environmental science and geology that I have makes creating worlds so much easier. Seriously. I can even tell you the important worms in Etilidus that help the soil remain fertile.

While at TCU, I joined the national honorary band service sorority. There, I met a ton of amazing men and women. I went to National Convention and met even more people (while also finding out that Dr. Seuss has a really cool museum). Although I don't talk to very many people from my time in college anymore, I do appreciate how much many of those people helped me grow and become the woman I am today. Meri is actually one of the editors for my books. 

Crossroad #4

This crossroad took place not long after I graduated. I was running out of time for the grace period between graduation and having to pay back loans. I had no idea the true process of writing a book. It was back in 2014, so the whole "self published, indie" thing was still frowned upon heavily. 

I interviewed for a writing job at Pinkerton and for a bookseller position at Half Price Books. I was offered both positions. My gut told me that Half Price had more staying power and so I followed it, as I tend to do. Because of that choice, I've been an employee there for almost seven years. I learned more about books and sales and management than I ever thought I would. When I was first promoted to Shiftlead, I had dreams of continuing to move up in the company. This last year or so has officially changed that.

So here I sit at Crossroad #5

My life is about to change drastically. I am leaving HPB. I am leaving everything I've ever known to follow my heart and my gut. Not just to a new place, but a completely different culture and country, continent! 

I am moving to France!

I started this blog as a way to document my path to becoming a better person. In reality it was a way to help me cope with the grief of losing my grandmother. I see that now. 

So, as it has done what I needed it to, and I know I will constantly be growing, this is going to be the last blog post on this blog. 

I am going to start another one (which I will link here soon after I figure out a name for it). That will focus on my trip. It will have documentation of my trip and how I got there (because let me tell you, it was stressful), of different folktales and legends I learn about, and food. SO MUCH FOOD. I will be living with a chef so be prepared for that, guys. Also, since writing is still an important part of my life and I will still be writing my books while I'm there (woo Talent Passport Visa!) I will also still focus on that as well.

Thank you for taking this journey with me.

Now on to the next one!

Shelby