For those of you who don't have the pleasure of knowing this little angel (*coughbratcough*), her name is Dr. Hathor Nuvvin-Tau Zeus. She makes me smile at least once a day. She also makes me want to strangle her at least once a day. Ah, the life of a (pet) parent.
Today I did a lot (including come up with an ingenious idea for a new nail polish brand-- I now need to learn how to make nail polish. If you know how, hit me up. Granted, I've no idea really how starting a nail polish company will help me in my life goal, it'd be interesting!). Opening at work has never been my favorite, but I enjoy the hour without any customers to really try and get the Kids section put back together. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.
As I was looking through quotes on Pinterest (if you want to follow me, click here) at lunch, I came across a quote that I've read multiple times before. The quote was "Do what you love and you'll never work a day in your life."
So here I was, eating my spaghetti and listening to Ed stack boxes outside of the break room, when it hit me. Although I love where I work, it has gotten to the point where I get anxious to go in to the store every day.
I love writing. I love working in Kids (although I'm not terribly fond of one of the other people who works in this section, I figure it is good to only not like one out of all my coworkers, so I won't complain too much. Unless he tells me I was trained wrong or tries to take a buy from me that is already half done and I'm main buyer one more time) and with kids and their parents.
So why would I be anxious going into work each day, I asked myself as Ed stops stacking boxes and starts talking to someone else in the stockroom. I get annoyed at the thought of working with the previously mentioned coworker, but not enough to practically not want to go to work.
Then, it hit me as quickly as someone saying, "don't worry, this is Shelby and she knows everything about the kids section."
It was the same reason why sometimes I would go months without writing a word. It was the same reason I almost didn't adopt my precious Hathor. It was the same reason why I rarely open up to people in the real world.
I'm terrified of not being good enough. I know, a lot of people are frightened of that, but they don't let that stop them. And if I'm being completely honest with myself, I'm scared of many things.
But I got a degree in writing. What am I supposed to do if in reality I suck at writing? What if I am never able to sell a book? It is so much easier to not write, or to continually rework what has been written than to finish something and put it out there. No one can tell me I wasted four years and thousands of dollars.
What if I fail?
Am I just supposed to stay at my current job for the rest of my life? If I even wanted to do that, I'd never be able to afford living on my own and as much as I love and respect my parents, I refuse to do that. So what would I be able to do if writing isn't for me? Go back to college? Dig myself even deeper in this hole of debt? No. I'm done with school. At least the official kind.
So how can I fail at a job where I shelve books, buy books, sell books, and deal with people all day? I can fail to help someone find a book they really want. I can make a horrible suggestion for a book. I could accidentally buy a box of books that are infested with silverfish and infest the entire store. I can make a customer feel stupid for asking a dumb question or angry because he or she doesn't feel like I really care about helping him or her.
As hard as I try to treat every customer how I want to be treated in a store, it is hard too some days. Especially if I've dealt with multiple difficult customers in a row.
This month my goal was to start running and eating healthier, along with writing consistently.
Today I finished coming up with February's goal. Along with starting to exercise my arms (since lifting and rearranging boxes all the time doesn't actual help much in getting upper body strength) and continuing what I've started this month, my goal is to stop being anxious going to work. I'm still going to try to please every customer, but I'm not going to let it affect me as much. I'm also going to try and stop complaining so much about specific things at work.
So hopefully, mentally, I'll be in a better place.
Until next week,
Shelby
P.S. If you want to follow my Twitter, my name is @shelbabe804 (I've been trying to change it for a few months, but haven't figured out how to do that on the phone app so... yeah...). My Instagram is the same.
P.P.S. This weekend I'll be going to Fort Worth to see my Tau Beta Sigma family and hopefully some other friends, so I'll get to start my month off in a good place. Long drives always relax me and I miss everyone up there! Also, next week will be a progress report of sorts.
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